if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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