I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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