I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
