so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
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My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
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I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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