Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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