It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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