i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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