i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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