There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
