Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
