she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
