Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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