see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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