I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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