I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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