I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
