is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
