We're facebook friends in real life
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
