my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
