Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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