I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
