Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Randomize
