I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She even gives head with a lisp.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
