Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
