i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
