somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
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She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
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You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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