is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
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I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
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A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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