there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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