It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
