when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
