so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He better not be in your backpack
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
