It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
