Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
