Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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