I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
