even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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