he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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