Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
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He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
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Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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