I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
