Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
