Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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