As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
