Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
