She swung at the pinata with crutches
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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