Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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