perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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