once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
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as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
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My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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