Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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