she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
