i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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