Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize