I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
