I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
