so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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