I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
