I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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