Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
