Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
