Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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