my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
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It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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