Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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