Sponge bath it is.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
