my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
