she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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