This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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