Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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